Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I Could Almost Taste The Cheese Dust In The Air

"Come close to the computer screen,
I have something I want to tell you."

"I ate a giant cheese puff earlier, and I could almost
taste the cheese dust in my mouth after I farted.
I highly recommend buying yourself a tasty
snack today."

"What? Like farting cheese dust has never happened
to someone before? If it hasn't, maybe someone can
sign me up for The Guinness Book of World Records."

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas Was Here. Who Will Be My Umbrella Holder For The New Year?

Hi Everyone!

Daisy and I hope you had a sexy Christmas!
What did Santa bring you? This was Daisy's first sexy
Christmas, and she ended up with a some great gifts,
especially from Grandma. She didn't get the pony,
or the 42 inch flat screen, but Daisy got a
pug load of other stuff this year.

"Let the gift opening begin! I said let it begin.
Stop taking my photo. Pass me my first giftie,
so I can open it."

"Merry Christmas to me, Merry Christmas to me,
Merry Christmas to my sexy self, Merry Christmas to me."

"Okay, on the count of two, take my photo.
Take it now, or else I might crack the lens with
an explosive fart."

"Cheese! That reminds me, the cheese puffs
I put in the oven are done. Let's open my gifts
before you place a cheese puff in my mouth, and it
melts with cheesy goodness."

"Cheese puff now! By the way, these gifts are great!
I especially love the shampoo, and the purpley poo bags
that smell like grape. Santa was listening! Do you think
Santa will come back and give me a bubble bath massage?"

"My first giant monkey man!
Does he come with insurance, because I am
going to chew his face off in less than 48 hours."

"I am going to chew this bone in less than
24 hours. I hope you bought backups. It's delicious."

"What do you mean you only bought me one bone?
You know that after I lick my bone approximately
10 times, I replace it with a new one."

"It's time for a nap. When I wake up, I would like
a cup off tea waiting for me, and exactly three
spoonfuls of Cool Whip."

Daisy and I hope you stay warm,
and enjoy your week!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Hi Everyone!
It's the night before Christmas, and Daisy can't
wait to unwrap her gifts. In fact, she doesn't think a
sexy pug should have to wait until Christmas morning.
The mornings are for pooping, so she did some under
the tree detective work this evening.

"Can I unwrap one of my gifts tonight?"

"I hope you don't mind, but I already unwrapped one.
It was a bone, and it was delicious."

"Oooh what's in this bag? Go put another batch of cookies
in the oven for me, and I will fluff this bag while
I wait for you."

Daisy and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Sexy Pug Statue Of Christmas

Hi Everyone!

There is only a few days left before Christmas!
I know I am not supposed to be buying anything for
myself right before Christmas, but I was at Hobby Lobby
yesterday, and I spotted this life size pug statue!
He was only $10.00, and I decided
to purchase him.

"So... what does this pug statue of yours do? Can he
show you his Elvis lip, or start a bonfire with just one
intense fart? I didn't think so."

"This statue isn't going to be the start of some strange
pug collection obsession is it? I will turn you in if you
start collecting pug statues, and placing them all
over my condo. Do you hear me? I will turn
you in! Go make me some sprinkly
delicious Christmas cookies."

"Hey, can we go see the Nutcracker
at the Paris Hotel and Casino? If they deny me
at the door, we'll just head over to Chippendales.
I know they will let me in. In fact, I think I may
have a Holiday coupon for the strip show there."

Daisy and I hope you are having a great week!

Monday, December 20, 2010

It's The Funnest Time Of The Year

Hi Everyone!

Daisy and I can't believe this weekend is Christmas!
We finally got our tree over the weekend. The tree looks
great, and is being propped up once again by tupperware.
This is our second tree in a row that has tilted dramatically
to one side after we brought it home. It's strange,
but Daisy and I love the tree just how it is!

"I don't really notice a tilt. But, the water I
just drank from under the tree tastes funny."

"Hey, do you think you can take me by Petco later?
I think they might be having a sale on bones,
and Christmas toys."

I also purchased a new camera over the weekend, after mine
recently took a poo. It's a Canon Powershot SX 210. I really
like it so far. It has a lot more features than my old one,
so it may take me a while to figure it out.

Just look at what I was able to do with Daisy using the
fisheye lens!

"Do I look amused to you? Stop trying to make me look fat.
Not coolsies. What kind of treats are we baking this week?"

Hehe. Has everyone finished their shopping?
What are you up to these last few days before Christmas?

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Poo Giveaway Winner!

Hi Everyone!

Daisy and I used to generate our
poo and gift box giveaway winner.

And the winner is: Kitty + Coco!

Congratulations! Be sure to e-mail us your address,
and we will send the poo, and the gift box to you
right away.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Take My Picture Before Santa Blinks!

Hi Everyone!

It's me Daisy. The other day, I went to see Santa!
I waited in line for over two hours to get my sexy photo
taken with Santa. I didn't really mind the wait, because I
made a lot of friends waiting in line. Human friends that is.
I tried to make friends with another small beefy dog,
but he tried to bite me in the face wrinkle, so I
was like whatever. I also saw another pug
in line. I didn't get to play with him
because he was in a stroller, and
refused to get out of it.

Here is what happened on my Santa journey.

"We're almost halfway through the line! Did you see that
other pug down there in the stroller? How come you haven't
purchased one of those for me yet? Hey, how do you
think my farts would air out sitting in one
of those?"

"I'm over waiting in this line. I'm going to take
measures into my own paws. Wait here."

"Hello ladies. How are we doing tonight? My name is Daisy.
I like deep tissue massages, gourmet chicken treats with
intense bursts of flavor in them, and purple poo bags
that smell like grape. Would you mind if I join
you up here?"

"Pssst. I'm at the front of the line! Don't worry about
how I got here, just hurry up before the manager notices!"

"Oh Geeez. I don't know which is worse, you embarrassing me,
or the fact that I just felt an intense fart vibration
under Mrs. Claus."

"Ok, listen close. I want a pony that can speak Spanish,
a pair of boots that light up when I walk, a cashmere blanket,
a 42 inch flat screen TV, a sexy man pug, and a lifetime
of purpley poo bags that smell like grape."

Happy Holidays!
It's one week until Christmas!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A Giveaway Of Poo-Tastic Proportions

Hi Everyone!

Daisy and I are giving away something fun.
Something artful. Something that looks like poo.
I made these poo ceramic sculptures a few weeks ago,
and I am giving a set of three away for you to use
as you please.

Perhaps you would like to give these away as a late
Holiday prank to someone that stiffed you in the gift
department this year. Or maybe, you want to put them up
by your fireplace.

"Are you completely out of your mind?
I told you that I wanted these fake poo sculptures
for myself. You better make me another set that
looks like my real poo, or I will tell Santa
to shave one of your eyebrows off while
you sleep."

"Sleepy Sleepy. Don't look at my crazy eye when
I am talking to you! I think you would look
great with one eyebrow by the way."

All you have to do is leave a comment on this post,
and we will draw the name on Saturday. Daisy and I will
also be sending the winner the hand made gift box
that you see with the fake poo in the
photo above. We can't wait!

Tomorrow, we will be showing you what happened when
we went to see Santa. We hope you are having a great week!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Let's Talk Sexy Pug Ornaments

Hi Everyone!

Daisy and I are finally back on the blog!
We were able to find a way to upload my photos,
although the photos seem bigger than usual,
just in time before the important
Holiday stuff rolls around.

For instance, tomorrow I will be attempting to squeeze
Daisy into Penny's old Holiday sweater to see if it
fits before we take photos with Santa on Wednesday.

"On the sixth day before Christmas, my trained human mama
gave to me, a miniature little pony, a Dyson suction vacuum,
37 bags of graham cracker cookies, 18 deep tissue massages,
3 puppuccino's from Starbucks, 8 sculpted pieces of what
my actual poo looks like, and some boots that
light up when I walk."

"Hello...were you listening? I'm going to sing that
song to Santa on Wednesday. I want him to know that
what he's up against. The pressure is on Santa."

As I was putting Daisy's potential Holiday outfit together,
I found myself wondering, what happens if a sexy pug
should get butt leakage on Santa's shiny red suit
just before the Christmas photos are taken?
Does Santa just continue taking pictures,
and smell all day from the butt mess?
Or, does he have a backup suit he
can change into? These things
keep me up at night.

Anyway, what I really want to share with you,
is this pug ornament I found last week. I was over
at JCPenny's browsing the panties, I'm kidding I
was there with my mom doing a little Holiday
shopping. Or was I....Anyway, I spotted
this ornament!

"He's definitely not as sexy as me.
Is he edible? Does he have a
whipped cream center?"

My pug ornament collection is tiny.
So tiny in fact, this is my second pug Holiday
item. When I spotted him, I knew I had to have him.
He was originally priced at $14.00, but then I
noticed he had a piece missing from his ear.
You can hardly notice the chip, but
I smelled a discount.

This was the last pug ornament they had at the store,
and I wasn't leaving without him. I brought it to the
register to see how low the sales woman would go.
we ended up settling on .99! Success! I think I
can patch his ear up, but either way, he was
the cheapest, bestess ornament I have
found to date.

Which Holiday ornament or decoration do you
love the most in your collection?

Friday, December 10, 2010

My Laptop Crashed, And Then I Was Slightly Electrocuted

Hi Everyone!

What are you up to for the weekend?
I was all set to upload a sexy blog today,
and then my laptop crashed. I took it to the Apple store,
and I think they may be able to fix it. The bad news is
I am without an updated computer, and I cannot upload
photos until I get my computer back. I feel violated.
Daisy is not pleased either. She hates not being
able to look at sexy photos of herself.
I will get my post up in a few days,
even if it means going to the
library to do it.

Daisy and I hope you have a great weekend!
P.S. If you see Santa, tell him I would like a laptop,
and a camera for Christmas. I don't even mind if he has
to get them from a pawn shop. I'll take it!

Monday, December 6, 2010

I Accidentally Ate Santa's Graham Cracker Cookies

Hi Everyone!

What are you up to for this week?
Daisy and I have been getting ready for Christmas.
Our condo looks like the Holiday department at Macy's.
Sometimes, we just can't help ourselves.

"Holy soy balls, what did you do to my living room?
It looks like a department store in here! By any chance
did you set up a dog toy section in our new department store
living room?"

"Let's talk about that Christmas list I gave you.
I specifically requested 35 graham cracker style cookies
on that list. Did you buy them yet? Mmm I could really
go for some cookies right about now."

"Cookies now! Bring them to me quickly, or I
might go into a spasm! I swear I will body slam
this giant Santa to the ground, if you do not
bring me my snacks."

I have a little Holiday diva on my hands, and she is
very serious about Christmas. I'll do my best to make her
sexy pug Christmas come true.

I also took Daisy over to Red Rock a few days ago for
the first time. We were expecting to see some major snow
up there, but it hasn't been cold enough.

It was still pretty chilly and windy out when we took a ride
over there. Daisy refused to get out of the heated car for
most of the photos. When I was able to coax her
out of the car, she gave me major attitude.

"The next time you want to take a photo of me,
it might be a good idea to have a better camera handy.
Your camera is taking a poo, and the lens is not bringing out my

"I know I said I would get out of the car for a photo,
but, I had my paws crossed when I said that, so...
I lied."

"Have fun going out into the cold.
Put my Michael Jackson CD on. I want to listen to
him while I wait for you. Track 3 now!"

"I think I may have let a little fart slip out.
Crack a window on your way out."

Daisy and I have been way behind on commenting on
your blogs, but we have been reading them! We will be over
to your pages as soon as we get a little more free time.

We hope you have a sexy Monday!