"I never leave home without putting on my Chapstick.
You never know who you might meet when you go out.
Chapstick is very important. Sometimes I even put Chapstick
on my whiskers. It tames them. I can't be seen with crazy
whiskers. I once put Chapstick all over my feet. I rubbed it on
my feet because Bruce told me that it would accelerate nail
growth. It did not help with my nail growth. I ended up
tracking it all over the apartment! I had to go out and
buy another tube of Chapstick. The checkout lady at
Walgreens was like, "Why are you buying Chapstick?
And also, why are you wearing a tight pink velour
tracksuit?" I couldn't tell her the Chapstick story.
I was too embarrassed."
"Can I buy sexy juice in here or what?"