"I made a few New Year's resolutions for 2013.
The resolutions are kind of personal, but
I still want to share them with you."
"Number one: Don't fart, especially in front of other people."
"Oopsie. I just broke that resolution."
"Number two: Act like I am paying attention,
even though I am not."
"Number three: Don't get so angry when someone gets
near my Cheese Balls or my snacks."
"Did someone just open my snack drawer?
No one is allowed near my snack drawer!
I just had a brain fart, what was I just talking about?"
"I can see my reflection in your camera lens.
Smokin' soy balls, I am sexy."
"I need a nap. This resolution stuff is exhausting."
"Let's not talk about resolutions right now.
This man sweater makes me want to dance. Let's party!"
"Can we stop by Denny's? I'm confident I'll get a free
omelette today because I look so good in this sweater."