"Something has been on my mind lately."
"Why do birds start chirping at 5:00am?
Look at the photo below with the clouds. I was having a dream
last night that looked exactly like this. It was the bestess dream ever."
"Now look at me in this photo. This is what my face looked like
after those birds started chirping and woke me up from that
amazing dream. I feel sleep deprived. I need my beauty sleep!"
"This face doesn't just look sexy and fresh naturally."
"Alright, yes it does. I lied a little because I didn't want to sound
vain or anything. But really, a lady needs her beauty sleep.
I heard that if you don't get enough beauty sleep you fart pink
gas from your rear all day long. I don't think it smells like
cotton candy either. I heard it from this lady who was
buying a lottery ticket at 7-11 and she was like,
"Giiiirl, it happened to me once and I couldn't stop it!"
That sounds terrifying.
Bruce get out of my butt. I am telling a story!"
"I can't talk about being vain for too long around Bruce. It might
remind him of that time he popped a vein in his head because
he was concentrating on his sexy too hard."
"Did someone say vein?
Don't ever talk about veins around me. It's a sensitive subject."
"Make me a burrito. Now!"